We all have “voices” that play in our head. While working on a picture frame in the garage, you may hear your grandfather’s voice, remembering when the two of you built a birdhouse together. As you garden, the sound of your kindergarten teacher’s voice tells you once again how to plant a sunflower seed. The fragrance of a rose brings a lover’s whisper to your ear…
But there are some not-so-pleasant sounds as well. An unmade bed shouts with a mother’s criticism – and she’s been gone for a decade. Dishes in the sink replay a well-worn argument with an ex-husband you still cannot face civilly. Unfinished projects are a constant chorus of failure featuring the voices of every person who ever pointed out your shortcomings…
It’s time to silence those voices.
Think about your clutter for a moment. Look at the living room coffee table covered with unread newspapers, empty pop cans, candy wrappers, two or three TV remotes and a sweater. Whose voice do you hear? Perhaps it is your mother’s voice from when you were a young child as you sat at a similar coffee table watching cartoons on TV. Maybe that mother is not simply speaking, but screeching, “Can’t you do anything to help around here? You are so lazy; you are such a slob…” At that time, you couldn’t retaliate. You had to submit to the Voice; you had to clean off that coffee table. But as you did, you said to yourself, “When I grow up, I won’t have to clean off the stupid coffee table. I’ll show her!”
And here you are, in your very own house with your very own coffee table covered with newspapers, pop cans, candy wrappers, TV remotes and articles of clothing. But you still hear that Voice. Every time you see that coffee table, she still shrieks at you; however, now you shout back “NO!! I WON’T CLEAN OFF THE COFFEE TABLE!!” But you understand the problem, don’t you? You still hear her, but she can’t hear you. Keeping the clutter on that table is keeping her there in the room with you. You haven’t “won” because you are still reacting to her.
What would happen if you did throw away the trash, hang up the clothes and recycle the newspaper? What would it be like for you to see a fresh, clean surface, ready for your favorite candle and great-grandmother’s hand-crocheted doily? Now, instead of the grating, berating sounds of defeat, you hear granny’s creaky laughter as you remember handing her the ball of crochet thread that bounced across the room. Or the scent of that candle takes you back to the little shop you and your husband visited while on your honeymoon. No voice is necessary for that memory!!
The same is true if the Voice is a part of a real body impacting your life right now in the present. It could be your mate who is highly critical of the way you keep – or don’t keep – house. Maintaining a “passive-aggressive” stance (that is, you don’t do or say anything openly hostile, but you subtly do things that you know will annoy or upset the other person) may make you feel like you’ve “scored”, but the atmosphere of anger and hurt does not make for a very tranquil home. Perhaps the clutter about you increases as you use the excess of things around you to build something of a physical wall as well as an emotional one.
When holding on to your clutter becomes a power play, you are the one who loses every time. You hurt yourself far more than the person you hear in your head or even in your home. Don’t let the Voice keep you down. You deserve clear, uncluttered spaces! You see, decluttering and having a clean home is not something you do for someone else; it’s a gift you give yourself. After all, if you had a friend who was struggling with clutter and criticism, you would be the first to roll up your sleeves and help her. Why not be your own best friend? Think about what you would say to your friend. Wouldn’t you tell her to ignore the Voice of criticism; that you’ll help and support her through the tough times? Can you say that to yourself?
Decluttering can silence the voices of the past. And while there is no guarantee that current criticisms will cease (there are people who simply find fault with everything, no matter what), the sting can be lessened when the motivation for keeping your spaces fresh and clear is not the approval of others, but your own sense of well-being.
Now, let’s take care of that coffee table…